Susan Aposhyan, one of the gods of body psychotherapy, wrote that we needed to learn the language of the “body-mind”. This blog is a primer on doing just that.
Our body communicates to us every second of every day. If we can’t feel something it’s not because it’s not talking to us; it’s because we’re not listening.
Often this works just fine. We can ignore irritations so that we can go about our lives: perhaps we live on a busy road or under a flight path and after a while we never notice the sound of the traffic outside or the planes overhead. They’ve not got quieter, we’ve just learnt not to listen. Initially we consciously tried to ignore the noise and then it became a habit: we don’t have to try anymore, we just don’t hear it. Emotions are like that.
But what if, say, our big toe which is constantly talking to us has something to tell us which matters, and yet we can’t hear it anymore? And what if the example isn’t our big toe, but something more emotionally valuable to us?
What I often find easiest to explain and understand is the metaphors or symbols which different zones of our body represent: what phrases might we associate with them? What are they there for? And when they are activated for us (perhaps by experiencing tension or pain - what we call a somatised response) what are they saying to us?
Here are five body parts and how they can become activated in therapy sessions, and in life.
1) The Throat
The throat is perhaps the most obvious ‘feeling zone’. We talk through it (or not); we choke away tears that feel like they might drown us; we swallow our feelings; we vomit a story out just to rid ourselves of it. And we do it all through our throats.
You could well find yourself with a sore throat in a session: a lump, a dryness, maybe a constant need to clear it with a cough, maybe a burning sensation. That didn’t arrive out of nowhere. You didn’t just develop a cold. It’s a message.
A difficulty in the throat will often relate to something we’re trying to express or fearful of expressing. Think of the metaphor: what is your throat doing? Is it burning, as if to punish you for saying something or staying quiet? Is it a lump, as if to block you from saying something?
Notice the nature of the bricks and you might be able to sense what’s behind the wall. If your throat could speak all by itself what might it say?
2) The Shoulders
Nick Totton, one of the doyens of the body in psychotherapy, calls this zone (also including the chest and hands) the “thoracic segment” of the body. As we breathe in, these areas all tighten as if bracing themselves for something unpleasant. When we breathe out, they relax. If we’re constantly tense, what do we do? We pull in our shoulders, or fold our arms, or close in on ourselves. Maybe we do this so much we don’t even notice anymore; it’s become a habit. But what is the message?
A client can sometimes feel tension or aches in their back or shoulders in a therapy session. They didn’t suddenly develop RSI half way through a session; the chair didn’t suddenly become uncomfortable. It’s a message.
Often, that person may be holding tension. Totton notes that the shoulders, in particular, are a “reservoir for unexpressed rage”. After all, when we protect or brace or assert ourselves what’s the most obvious sign? It’s what we do with our shoulders.
3) The Stomach
If this blog so far is sounding like hippy bullshit, the next sentence may freak you out big time. In therapy, it is not uncommon for clients to get stomach aches. Not heart-racing, or sweaty palms, or bursting into tears…. stomach aches. What’s that about? Think of the metaphor. What is the message?
The stomach is where we process. Our food goes there, we absorb the nutrients that will help us live and grow, and we send the useless stuff off to be disposed of. So when you feel tension in your stomach what’s that about for you? You didn’t just get food poisoning, and your hunger hasn’t just arrived out of nowhere. What’s hard to process? What can’t be broken down into useful or disposable ingredients? What can’t you ‘stomach’?
Pain or tension in our stomachs often indicates we’re processing something emotional: something unthought, something we don’t understand. If you notice you keep getting stomach pangs when you’re with a particular person or in a particular context, that might be a clue. It’s not about your stomach. It’s about your process.
4) The Buttocks
Our buttocks are our base, connecting us to our chair, giving us our sense of weight in the room. They are the weight that keeps us from floating away. So why can it be that sometimes we can’t feel them, or only vaguely. Such an important area of our bodies, and yet hiding in the dark of our awareness. Why does that happen? What’s the message?
When you’re thinking too hard and moving away from the emotional weight of an experience your bottom might have a bizarre tendency to vanish from your awareness, almost as if the chair isn’t there. Maybe you get a little dizzy when this happens, or leave a therapy session with a headache. Of course you do: the energy that is meant to be flowing all round your body is surging into one small area, your brain.
Whether in therapy sessions or during panic attacks, feeling your bottom on the seat is fundamental to keeping you grounded, in the room and, literally, in your chair.
5) The Feet
Feeling ‘grounded’ or ‘finding our feet’ are neat clichés. But they are literally true. Our feet connect us to the ground and that ground isn’t going anywhere. In times of stress or times where we need to feel gravity there is no better way to help ourselves than feeling our feet on the floor. Sounds obvious, right? Wrong.
For many people if you ask them whether they can feel their feet they look at you as if you’re insane, and then they realise that they actually can’t. (This was true of me for a long time, since you ask.) In some cases they may feel like they’re floating but usually, at least, they won’t feel the pull of gravity holding their feet onto the solid floor. Their energy is floating upwards to their head. And their challenges won’t be solved up there. As Keleman, another body boffin, writes: “if our relationship with the ground is tenuous, then our instinctual life and our body will also be tenuous”.
Particularly during emotional or traumatic explorations it is really important to keep your feet on the floor. Tap them, smear them, wiggle your toes (eagle-eyed clients may notice I quite often do this during sessions to ground myself), use them to remind you that your feet are on the ground and the ground can be trusted to stay where it is. And so can you.
Since you’ve read this far, you deserve a summary. It’s pretty simple: two Ws and two Ms. This is it:
WHAT do you feel?
WHERE do you feel it?
What’s the METAPHOR?
What’s the MESSAGE?